


The fear of unfulfilled love

by viciousmagpie



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Jim is a Little Shit, POV Sebastian Moran, Sebastian is afraid of Jim
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-20
Updated: 2016-11-20
Packaged: 2018-09-01 01:02:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8601055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/viciousmagpie/pseuds/viciousmagpie
Summary: Unfulfilled love is a terrible thing. Sebastian has to deal with it.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Français available: [La peur de l'amour non accompli](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8601337) by [battleshipchains (viciousmagpie)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/viciousmagpie/pseuds/battleshipchains)



> Inspiration: [Dead inside](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I5sJhSNUkwQ)

Sebastian was loyal to him for years. Followed him at every turn, prepared to fulfill every job he needed to. Even when they were most unfavorable and annoying. The blonde, half-Irish was ever considered as proud, unapproachable and never-failing. "Be sure you always remember what you owe me!" So, how did it happen? Was it the fact that he was so close to him, all the time? 

But still, it seemed like there was an abyss between them.

Sebastian hid on the rooftop and aimed for a window of the opposite building. One of these jobs again - James Moriarty wanted to have someone eliminated. Someone who did a mistake. He was the best for this job. 

And of course, for taking care of the criminal's ass.

Sebastian sighed. Why was he doing this? He never received any compliments from him - James considered him as his own property, which should do only things 'the king' commanded himself. He saved his life when he was somewhere in the jungle of India, half-dead.

Jim always ignored the look in the bright blue eyes. There was a time when he called him his favorite sniper. Sebastian took a deep breath - it is this time of the day again - when he was alone, and Jim was all he could think of. This lack of concentration was nothing he asked for.

A few months ago Sebastian would've killed anybody who dared to think about the idea, he could be the lover of his boss. But Sebastian couldn't deny the fact this way is everything he wishes for. And the yearning grew stronger every day. 

But - Jim didn't have any friends or allies. Employees, yes, of course. But nothing else. Sebastian was also "just one of them". Every time he was around Jim, Sebastian heard his mind screaming "Touch him, kiss him". He couldn't listen to it. 

To stop his mind from screaming, Sebastian began to write. Poems, or short stories. There he loved to call Jim 'Snow White'. Skin white as snow, lips red as blood, and hair black as ebony. Luckily Jim never discovered the secret of these poems.

Sebastian put his rifle aside, annoyed by the thoughts again. His heart felt like a heavy stone again, like so many times before. Knowing he will never touch Jim in the way he wants to nearly cry. It seems like Jim was killing him with his ignorance, again and again.

Jim used to claim he was the personalized hell's fire. But Sebastian was sure there as no heat, no warmth inside the Irishman's heart. He was cold as ice - love was just an unnecessary feeling nobody needs.

Sebastian got desperate. Why did Jim still ignore him? He had to notice his favorite assassin changed! His spies were everywhere. Maybe Jim wanted to see him suffering. Psychological torture was his cruelest weapon. Jim destroyed someone piece by piece, always aiming for the soul and mind. 

And he let Sebastian suffer ...

Sebastian wasn't able to cope with this anymore. There was no way to end this job. 

Jim's behavior killed him. What was it all for? Was it the fact Jim wanted to show what he was able to do? He liked to watch all the people dance.

He needed to get home for a rest. Even when he was sure Jim will punish him for this disobedience. Jim was easily getting angry. He was unpredictable, extremely changeable and dangerous. Sebastian closed his eyes, ignoring the pictures of Jim torturing him before. Some of the scars were the result of Jim's anger. 

Jim could look like a lost puppy. But then he exploded like a bomb and tried to tear out your heart with bare hands.

Sebastian got used to it. Not because he 'owed' Jim anything. Once it was the fear to end fucked up beyond all recognition ... it was love. Sebastian has fallen in love with this crazy and nervous psychopath with mood changes as fast as the light itself. 

He loved all these little flaws. Sometimes his mind told him he sold his soul to the devil in India. He needed to be there, whenever Jim demanded of him. No matter where he was. It was heart-breaking. Sebastian meant nothing to him!

With sadness, Sebastian went to his flat. He just dropped his rifle and collapsed on the sofa. Nothing mattered at the moment. Just forget this day. Thank god he still had the bottle of Whiskey behind the sofa. He took a big hit. Sebastian was sure Jim will come after him. Screaming his name full of anger, his hands hammering against the door. Just to cut him into pieces.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Sebastian was exhausted. With a loud sigh he tried to clean his mind from all the thoughts, but he wasn't able to. So he decided to wait for some sleep ...

_Sebastian sees Jim. The criminal sits in his chair, in his 'office', the feet on his desk - holding a glass of expensive Whiskey in his left hand and playing with a butterfly knife in his right. It seems unreal, so innocent. But Jim is never innocent._

_At the next moment he looks at Sebastian and smiles at him. An honest .... smile?! He put down the glass and goes to his favorite sniper without any word. The sniper is confused about this behavior. This scenery is so wrong ... this is not the Jim he used to know._

_This sparkles in the black, empty eyes. A strange spark. "Sebastian ..." Jim sings. His first name?! Usually the criminal never calls anyone of his employees by his first name, it's something that makes Sebastian feeling uncomfortable. "Look at me" Without knowing the reason why Sebastian is afraid to do it. Jim forces him to do it. The eyes are much darker than any time before. "I need to admit something"_

_Moments pass. It feels like an eternity. Suddenly Jim grabs Sebastian and kisses him. He is shocked ... but the feeling is too wonderful to stop it ..._

_Then he feels the pain. "It's over, Moran!" Jim hissed. Sebastian looks down on his body. The butterfly knife Jim played with before it stucks in his chest. In the next moment Jim pulls it out again. "Did you really think I wouldn't notice anything? I don't need such a sissy" He begins to laugh. "Goodbye forever" Sebastian feels the blade at his throat ..._

With a scream Sebastian awakened. It was the first nightmare after he began to work for Jim. He was afraid. Afraid of the fact that Jim could react like this when he'd discover his favorite sniper's feelings. Was it worth to die for this cold-hearted Irishman? 

Sebastian thought about any possibility he could do. There was no way to flee. Jim would find him. And he would kill a renegade without any remorse. Days full of torture - physical and psychological. Until Jim decides to kill him.

He needed to lock up his feelings. Even when it would kill him. Jim Moriarty wasn't worth it!

"MORAN!" He heard Jim's angry scream. He began to tremble. "I know you're here! Open the fuckin' door!" Sebastian took a deep breath ...


End file.
